When You Love Someone

i love you but it's not so easy
to make you here with me
i wanna touch and hold you forever
but you're still in my dream

and I can't stand to wait your love is coming to my life
but I still have a time to break a silence

reff:
when you love someone just be brave to say
that you want him to be with you
when you hold your love don't ever let him go
or you will loose your chance to make your dream come true

i used to hide and watch you from a distance
and i knew you realized
i was looking for a time to get closer
at least to say hello

and I can't stand to wait your love is coming to my life

i never thought that i'm so strong
i stuck on you and wait so long
but when love comes it can't be wrong
don't ever give up, just try and try to get what you want
cause love will find the way

those are lyrics from "When you love someone" by Endah n Resa, song that illustrates my feelings recently. I don't remember how many times I admired someone and couldn't say or do anything to get his attention. Yes, i am a 'shy-shy cat' person for this thing, I couldn't say even a word in front of him.

for couples months, i have been watched someone who is fear for the Lord, smart and apparently my 'type'. I wait moments to get know each other. I don't know yet, if I am in love with him, but I begin to pray for him, asking God, is he the one.

I know i am not too patient to wait 'the right time' sometimes i became so silly. (>.<")

last night, i got my first time to say hello and had a light conversation, I mind whatever he said. Making me confuse, nervous, impressed and speechless!

I don't know if I am ready yet to have someone special, someone to pray with, someone to grow with and to be faithful in God. My feelings suddenly mixed up every time i think about relationship, it seems so hard with my family background. That's why i really want to pray for it, what is God's calling for me? family or celibate, those are special callings. Help me to understand Your will God...and one day if I am called to have a holy marriage, i would like to sing this song with my future husband. A song of commitment by Robert and Lea:

AS WE COME INTO YOUR PRESENCE LORD
LIFTING OUR HEART AS ONE, AND WITH ONE VOICE WE SING
PROMISE TO BE FAITHFUL TILL THE END
FOREVER LOVE YOU, OUR GOD

REFF:
AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE YOU LORD
TOGETHER, FOREVER, WE WILL LOVE YOU MORE
YOUR LOVE IS HIGHER THAN THE HEAVENS, KNITTED US AS ONE
GREAT IS YOUR UNFAILLING LOVE

and this galau time will be closed by this beautiful prayer:

Woman’s Prayer (written by Grace Suryani)

Lord,
I pray for a man, that will be a part of my life
A man that really loves YOU more than everything
A man that will put me in the second place of his heart
A man that lives not for himself but for YOU

The most important is…
I want a heart that really loves and thirsty of YOU
And have a desire to be likes JESUS
And he must know for whom and for what he lives
So his life is not useless

Someone that has a wise heart
Not only a smart brain
A man that not only loves me but also respect me
A man that not only adores me
But can warn me when I am wrong
A man that loves me not because of my beauty but my heart
A man that can be my best friend in every time and situation
A man that make me feel like a woman when I am beside him

I do not ask for a perfect man
But I ask for an imperfect man

A man that needs my support for his strength
A man that needs my prayer for his life
A man that needs my smile to cover his sadness
A man that needs my love so he feels being loved
A man that needs me to make his life beautiful

And… I also ask…

Make me be a woman that can make him proud
Give me a heart that really LOVES YOU
So I can love him with Your love
Not love him with my love

Give me your gentle spirit
So my beauty does not come from my outside but comes from You
Give me Your hands
That I always be able to pray for him
Give me Your eyes
So I can see many goods things in him and not the bad one
Give me Your mouth
That is filled with Your words of wisdom and encouragement
So I can support him everyday
Give me your lips
And I will smile at him every morning

And… I want that when we finally meet
Both of us can say
How great Your ART
I know that You want us to met at the right time
And You will make everything beautiful in Your time
Amen 

writing journal for relaxation

to be honest, I have not written any journal for couple months. i thought i was too busy to document any ordinary experiences.
i just read a tweet that said writing could be one of relaxation methods.
i enjoyed it much since i was in school, but lately, since in college i didn't have plenty spare time to popping out my mind through writting.

I remember my lecture said that i have to write daily journal to document each precious moment i will have in Papua. WHY? Because not all people could be there, see the beauty of this land and sea also blend with local people.
i've got all of those...
happy, sad, unforgettable moment, i'll try to write it all..
so that you, readers,wherever and whoever you are, you could feel my anxiety, happiness, sadness and homesickness...

love,
-melisa

reflection for a life-changing moment: First Communion

today, i witnessed First Communion in Sang Penebus Catholic church. .  and the first thing that i thought was they are so lucky, because most of their parents come and accompany them in their life-changing moment... i have read communion means becoming one with Chirst.. what an unforgettable moment, isn't it?

my mind flied to 13 years ago, when i was 3rd grader in St. Joseph Cathollic Church, Cirebon and with a proud heart I told my parents I had finished my preparation course and i invited them to witness my First Communion. 

i was only a little girl, and guess what was my feeling? disappointed and hurted.. but my mother could come and accompanied me, i remember that because i had seen the photo. 

i asked myself, why did they not want to come as other friends' parents came? i remember even my white gown that my friends talked about was my older sister's. 

i asked GOD why was my parents not as care as the other parents?

ihad neen tried to get all my teachers' signs in my prep course book, i was dilligently came to church to see how people receiving Holy Communion since my dad did not come to church and my mom rarely accompanied me, i always came with my grandma who also did not want to enter the church anyway. 

i questioned myself, God, my sister and my brother... yet none of my family could answer my question.

today, i heard after they received Holy Communion they together praying for themselves, their parents and teachers. 

i think about my experience as little girl, what prayer that i did at that day? could I pray for my parents even though they was disappointing me?

i cried in my prayer, thank GOD i am who i am that You've chosen from the beginning, You've  called my mother to baptized me in Catholic faith, thank YOU because You've planned a beautiful plan for me in my family... because i've gotten the very best part, to pray for my parents not only for healthy and wealthy, but to Know YOU and love YOU, as  YOU have loved and always love me

maybe for many people would say, it's impossible for parents who didnot know God to  raise their children in God,but i want to tell you this my mess turns to messges nd my trial turns to testimony.

after years i have struggled about my parents, last year my dad said "just pray, pray to GOD" 

My tears fell, thank GOD, even though it will take more than years, it will take a longer time to change their heart, i will pray that one day we will have Holy Communion together, and my family can testify Your blessings bless us aabundantly.